today

i woke up so early this morning, way before light. jack left for the airport and i couldn't fall back asleep. the house changes when he leaves. even though it should be no different than when he leaves for work most mornings, it is different. as soon as i hear his keys locking the door it gets scary and lonely here. scary today, particularly in the early morning hours. i hear gunshots and sirens and vow to not leave my fortress.

so for today i have cookbooks and movies and camping. we're taking the boys camping this weekend.  i have been so excited preparing and planning and listing and planning. just a weekend, tent camping, but i haven't done it since i was a child and jack and the boys have never done it. packed up uno and marshmellows and sleeping bags and did a trial of the tent - it's seriously huge! i don't even remember camp sites having that much room. think it will fit back into that little green bag?

it's weird to have kids sometimes. because when they're here, it's full-time. but they're here part-time. so i have periods of constant "doing", then nothing until next time. my life is like that in lots of ways. like traveling, going and going for a week or so or less, then home and not having to leave the house for a few days straight. i love the going and doing, but i couldn't do it without the in-between. i wouldn't want to anyway.