this is how i know:
- my 10 year high school reunion is in june
- my baby brother has a kid
- i sometimes go days without putting on makeup, and don't feel bad
- i'm dating an almost 40 year old man
- i never know who it is on the radio anymore
- my parents don't ask me to call and let them know i got home safely
getting old is weird. my boyfriend is the same age as my brother's girlfriend's dad. she says, but you still look young. but maybe she's just being nice.
so it looks like to get the farm/barn we would needs gobs of money in escrow in the bank for the repairs to the house alone (apparently everyone has different definitions of the word livable) and seeing as how we have exactly none, i guess we will not get it. we'll see. but, do you see what i meant about the uselessness of making plans and decisions? i'm glad i held the negative comments to a minimun since it wouldn't have mattered anyway.
tonight is such a girl time, since dg is away again. i rented a movie that i could never in good conscience have made him sit through with me, music and subtitles? that would have been so cruel... but i love, love, love audrey tatou. i really adore her.
i want to be 16 again and adopted by rich folks so that i can be on super sweet on mtv.
i'm drunk. i smoked so quickly, my lips taste like salt and nicotine. i miss my boyfriend. can i just say that he is a rock star. no one was downstairs, and then, poof, they appeared waiting for elevators and unloading cars.
one more beer. and tiara girls and top chef and tv really sucks. i remember why i never turn it on. but, the movie was adorable. subtitled musicals, what could be better really?
we're moving, really moving, at the end of may. dg and i have different ways of looking at things, and his way rocks. i thought there was no way possible to move without tons of planning, research, discecting, but turns out you just move. can't believe i was getting frustrated, a month or two ago, over his lack of planning. isn't it just fine? why not just do what your doing when it needs to be done? will i ever learn to be like that on my own? i worry, then debate over and over whether i should be worrying in my mind, then finally stop worrying, and things just happen. will he rub off on me? i hope so.
anyway, we had decided to just rent a teeny little apartment on the beach, save some money, scout for exactly where we want to be, take time, see whether the ex and kids really do move, then we got a listing via email update from the real estator and my precious boyfriend fell in love. 100%. with a precious little farmhouse circa 1730 and not even slightly updated since 1950. never updated. i mean the thing barely has electricity and it doesn't have legal septice system even.
complete antique. and still costing more money than i probably will ever make in my life, and certainly i could buy a mansion in new orleans for the same price. the best part is that he is in love with the barn and wanting to convert it into a new york style warehousy loft sort of thing. we bought some design books, i tell you, he really has a vision, he's got me excited and so again, i'm trying not to be the negative voice here. like, he called yesterday with an idea for the bedroom, ready?, a thick frosted glass wall connected to the stereo system with pulsing laser lights inside moving in time to the music. isn't he adorable? i bit back the first thing i thought, which was: have you seen how filthy our bathroom mirror is? and you want a glass wall? cause hey, why not, maybe we'll have a maid by then [a fat ugly old one].
but like i said the thing already costs so much money and will need so much more and i have reservations about sinking so much into a 4,000 sq. ft. 1-bedroom barn - who's gonna buy that from us when we get old? or will we be 60 and climbing a three story spiral staircase to the disco bedroom? i'm going to make a new blog to chronicle the farmhouse, our modern country living.
the city is dark and wet. i can't remember the last time it rained like this. all night, lightning flashed through the closed blinds, pounded the windows. it's coming from each way. even with my big wooden hook handled grandfather's umbrella, it got at me easily. i, in my hundred year old concrete block of a building, pulled the covers up and tried to sleep, never easy in the rain. i wonder how the trailer people did on the roof of the building next store? three stories up and so tiny. the rain could wash them away.
i've been so decent with the book picks lately, airplane reading and all, these i couldn't stop...
Not watching tv
Eating lean pockets
Drinking at least two beers per day
Making websites
Not shopping
Cursing my internet connection
Paying bills on time
Laughing a lot
