17 July 2005


Things I've learned from having my own apartment:
*Saving a few dollars on the electric bill isn't worth leaving the air conditions off.
*People will tell you otherwise, but you really don't need a sofa. or a land line phone, or cable, although i would like an internet connection again.
*Dead roaches can't hurt you.
*I love being alone, but I'd rather be with him than alone.

I love weekends like this. in bed reading the Alchemy of the Heavens. Did you know our bodies are actually made of stars, how romantic. This universe is amazing, so interconnected. Renting a girlie movie. Alfie. Grocery shopping makes me feel like this is a real apartment even though I only bought coffee, ice cream and toaster waffles. Visiting my niece for a little while, taking her swimming in our clothes because I forgot bathing suits. She pretended we were mermaids, i remember doing that with my sister when we were little, but i think we were older then. actually she pretended we were strawberry shortcake pretending she was a mermaid. a strawberry shortcake mermaid at school, there was counting involved. what a sweet darling child. i adore her so much. going to a friend's play. can't believe he wrote and directed it all by himself. i love that. and he comped my ticket saying i was a theater person. a theater person, me. i love that. love, love, love that. and at the bar, i got id'd! He stopped over for a minute. we sat on the porch smoking cigarettes. he left, called me to the car with the window open and kissed me. i still can't get over that kiss. and writing on my laptop. that is a perfect weekend.

12 July 2005

his email

my ex-boyfriend (think high school) says he still loves me. it makes me sad because i know how sometimes you cling to the past because you are unhappy with the present. he thinks i avoid him because i can't resist him. but that's not why. he wrote an email instead of calling. Now I know you good enough to know that you will not write back and that you will think that I need help. And if you do write back or call you'll tell me that I'm wrong. But I know that you do love me and that you can't ever stop thinking about what would have and should have been. but he's so wrong.

05 July 2005


weird things are happening to the world. the way i see things is changing, again. there's so much to figure out. and it all seems so important and yet so meaningless.