23 June 2005


i called him in new york last night. i thought it would be 12:30 there. it was 2:30 am. he called this morning from our cafe. where the people thought we were in love, and bet whether we were married.

i am tired and bitchy. i worked 8 hours yesterday, took a 20 minute nap, then worked 8 more. at the end of the shoot, the director said i can't believe we got through all these shots, i just put them down for the hell of it. and i said thanks for keeping us here until 1:30 am to get shots you didn't think you actually needed. and we both laughed but i was serious.

i got into bed, the house was so empty, but i didn't care. i sunk into the covers and woke up this morning at 8:30, which incidentally is the time i should arrive at work. i got in to a voice mail from one of my best friends saying to call she wants to update me on a couple of things. meaning: horrible things are happening, please call. i called, and horrible things are happening.

so, it's 10:30 am now and i have to leave at noon for a graduation lunch that's been rescheduled twice now. i'm tired and bitchy still and not at all pretty. i have so much work to do that i can't even think about starting it. i may be fired. and not because of the "indecent relationship", i had a nice chat about that and they don't care. at all. and they figured it out a long time ago. they said it's obvious in the way we look at each other. sweet, isn't it. so, we'll see what they say if she sends her letter. hoping maybe it'll take a few weeks to write.

and i haven't paid one bill yet this month. i don't even know where they are. and my sofa i bought on june 7, won't come in until august 14.

22 June 2005

clap girl

your credit can be girl with clap, they decided. no, pretty girl with clap. it was unanimous. is that better? i asked. oh, yes. it's definitely better than ugly girl with clap.

making movies is fun. they say, marker! and i say scene four, take one, clap. then clickclack back to my seat before action! note to self: no more high heels on the set.

making movies is fun, making movies with these guys is work. zero budget film-making. so you have to take shot after shot with one camera man. who is also the director.

i love watching the creative process. i see in words. in my head. that's how my vision works. it's amazing to watch people who see in images and even movies in their head. and see it transformed to the stage or screen. i am so amazed. that's what i love about this.

15 June 2005

perfect weekend

i'm still trying to figure out: a)how on earth i wound up with the most perfect man god has ever created, and, b)when am i going to wake up.

this weekend i think i doubled the number of flights taken over the course of my lifetime. let's see: to and from cancun, to and from washington dc, to and from new york, and to and from puerto vallarta with a change in houston. that's six and four i suppose, so i'd have to say doubled since i met him (that would be four and six). i had a deathly fear of flying, but it's gone. no valium needed this trip. we went to heaven. paradise. did i mention he is the most perfect man ever created? adorable, ridiculously smart, inherently good (wholesome), but a little kinky too, sensitive, caring, sophisticated (he would say refined...), and genuinely thoughtful and appreciative. sincere. and so handsome. and such a great sense of humor. he's like everything you could ever want in a man, and much much more than you would ever expect. the best thing is that being on the beach with him in paradise sipping margaritas is really no more fun than sitting with him in the airport lobby or on the sofa in the apartment watching a movie. when am i going to wake up?

and we got matching necklaces from the beach vendor, isn't that sickenly sweet? there was that one crying spell incident after i had had too many tequila sunrises one pina colada and then more magaritas. he's such a good sport about it, yes, i love you, yes, we can get married, yes, we can have kids, of course i love you. not one, you are crazy, why are you crying when we are sitting on the beach in paradise. then we slept it off in the sun, then woke up with a terribly burnt on the front half only of my body, then went in the water and almost got killed by the ocean waves, i thougt i was going to die, don't ever brave huge pacific ocean waves when you are still drunk. they literally picked me up and flipped me and crashed me on the ocean floor on my face. and then back. and then face again. and salt water burns terribly when you drink it through your nose. and while i was stumbling along the shore he said he threw up in the ocean.

still, it was such a perfect weekend.

07 June 2005


finally, i remembered. why was that so hard?

Main Entry: in·cog·ni·to
Pronunciation: "in-"käg-'nE-(")tO also in-'käg-n&-"tO
Function: adverb or adjective
Etymology: Italian, from Latin incognitus unknown, from in- + cognitus, past participle of cognoscere to know -- more at COGNITION
: with one's identity concealed


There's a word that i can almost remember. it's driving me crazy. it means undercover or masked i think. i remember hearing it as the name of a perfume a long time ago (like early 90s) and i thought it was a great word. i keep wanting to say serendipity so i think it might start with an s. why this is bothering me so much i don't know. i've tried every work i can think of in the thesauras and i just can't find it. i'll know it when i see it, but it's nowhere.

Main Entry: ob·scure
Pronunciation:äb-'skyur, &b-
Etymology:Middle English, from Middle French obscur, from Latin obscurus

1 a : DARK, DIM b : shrouded in or hidden by darkness c : not clearly seen or easily distinguished : FAINT
2 : not readily understood or clearly expressed; also : MYSTERIOUS
3 : relatively unknown: as a : REMOTE, SECLUDED b : not prominent or famous
synonyms OBSCURE, DARK, VAGUE, ENIGMATIC, CRYPTIC, AMBIGUOUS, EQUIVOCAL mean not clearly understandable. OBSCURE implies a hiding or veiling of meaning through some inadequacy of expression or withholding of full knowledge (obscure poems). DARK implies an imperfect or clouded revelation often with ominous or sinister suggestion (muttered dark hints of revenge). VAGUE implies a lack of clear formulation due to inadequate conception or consideration (a vague sense of obligation). ENIGMATIC stresses a puzzling, mystifying quality (enigmatic occult writings). CRYPTIC implies a purposely concealed meaning (cryptic hints of hidden treasure). AMBIGUOUS applies to language capable of more than one interpretation (an ambiguous directive). EQUIVOCAL applies to language left open to differing interpretations with the intention of deceiving or evading (moral precepts with equivocal phrasing).

02 June 2005


everytime i log into yahoo, it tells me i have 1 friend on im. every single time. i've only used instant messaging once, just to see what the fuss was about, and i have exactly 1 friend that i signed up. it is my ex boyfriend. ex, ex, ex boyfriend to be exact. this leads me to believe that a) he no longer is holding down a job, and b) he's met a girl. I log on periodically pretty much all day to check email because i am sitting in front of a computer all day and it is sort of a bad habit i've developed. and everytime i have that 1 friend. it's just weird.