31 May 2005


i'm worried about my sister. she says life is not worth living. i hate not knowing how to fix the people you care about. there aren't many people i care about. less than two hands worth. she's tied for number one for the people you'd fix if you could. maybe she is number one. no, tied. i don't know what to do. listen? that's not really enough. i could get her committed to psychiatric care, or evaluated at least, for saying she wants to kill herself, but then would she just not tell me anymore? is this just something like everybody goes through? but apathy to the point of not being able to function properly in your daily life? is it just melissa, is it just pure heartbreak? should i set her up an appointment? would she even go? can you buy gift certificates for a psychiatrist? what should you do? you can't control someone, can't change their feelings, can't fix them. if you can i don't know how... isn't there always a way out, if you can just visualize it? things can change, i know, life can change, but can you change it just by wanting to, working for it? baby steps, that's what helped me. but life is so unfair. sometime you can do everything you should and it just doesn't change. or it changes, but it still isn't good enough.

don't you know people love you? don't you know how special you are? isn't that enough to make it bearable?

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