02 December 2004


It's funny that I thought how much more I'd post when I started using blogger, but I haven't even turned on the computer lately. Mostly because I've just been occupied by alternating between sorting through things, thinking them over, over-analyzing and worrying and then enough of that, deciding let's just not think, just feel, experience, let go and just be, live in the moment.

I can't quite decide which is the best way to be, can't quite figure out whether to try to get things under control or to just let go, to follow my mind or my heart you could say. And somehow it's more than enough to just be overwhelmed by it than to try to record or document anything at the moment. Thinking, and not, is fine, but writing everything would just solidify it too much, take the magical and make it make sense. I'm not looking for sense right now, I'm looking for magic. (Good thing, because I know this post is not making much sense anyway.)

I don't know what I feel, it changes from day to day (sometimes hour to hour), I don't know what I want to feel, I don't even know what I want. Maybe I do, just not ready to commit to it yet. Maybe an eggnog latte would do me some good right now.

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