17 April 2006


When I got home last night, to an empty house (absolutely trashed, with the human skull decidedly out of his box), took a long hot bath and read a little before falling asleep. jack was coming home, but not till 1 or 2 am. He came in, and got into bed, I must have been dead asleep, I woke up terrified. I think I was half dreaming still, but I couldn't figure out who he was. I started crying. I actually had to figure out who he was (we've lived together for a year). Then he was hugging me and I kept looking at him and saying how he looks so different. And he did. Like everything was just changed, but I think it was inside of me.

I had the saddest week. Not anything really, just life is so sad, isn't it? Being around family, holding new babies, everything, it's just breaking my heart and I don't know why. I feel like staying in my bed for a week with the covers over my head and saying just hold me, I want to cry. But I don't even want to say it, I want him to know.

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