pride

here's a painting on the wall of my living room:



i made it two christmases ago. we had a bare apartment and wanted to throw a new years party. i remember sitting in the pizza parlor and looking at the giant horrible and expensive painting on the wall and saying i think we could do better than that ourselves. my boyfriend (now husband, i never get tired of saying that) said you know i've always wanted to make my own art for the walls, and i said me too!

so we left and went straight to the art supply store and bought the cheapest and biggest canvases they had and to the hardware store for a couple of cans of paint. we taped butcher paper to the floor and for a week made our own little (actually rather big) masterpieces. and you know, that was the most fun i've ever had. it might be crappy (i've been told that before, by persons who then got very embarrassed when i said i had made it), but i am so proud. every single time i look at that painting i feel it.

maybe i don't know exactly what i want to do with my life. but i do already know a lot of things i'd love to do in my life. that i love to do.

• taking pictures - god, i really think i'd love to be a wedding photographer.
• editing and design layout - i spent nights and weekends all by myself happily doing this at the school newspaper.
• theater - by no means acting, but remember that rush i felt when called a theater person? i worked every weekend and until 1 am most nights, and that's the last time i really felt like a part of something special.

i'd also love to be able to create something special, and maybe it's ok if it's only special to me.