what i care about

i've experienced these periods of soul-searching and realization before, but they were different. each time before i'd feel excited and empowered, now i feel just scared and sad. i know that if i don't do it this time, i never will.

i'm haven't even really been sure what it is, but i think it's being something i can be proud of. i hated passionately being a secretary, not because of the work - it was easy and i was good at it and i enjoyed my work friends. i hated it because it defined me, because i knew i was taking the easy way out.

i knew inside i was more than a good secretary. i knew i was hiding behind something i wasn't. i was working as a secretary, but that's not all i was and i pretended that that's all i was even while i was longing to be something more.

i've never cared about being successful or making a lot of money. i still don't. what i care about is doing something that i am proud of and not feeling like i wasted my life.