nothingness

p class="main">I feel like freakin' She-Ra right now.

Reminds me of the old days of a full-courseload, two part-time jobs, being editor of the college newspaper, and nurturing an obsession with the new crush who turned into my husband.

After five or so years of only the daily grind and reality tv to focus on, I didn't think that energy would ever be possible again. And here it is: full-time job, five to seven nights a week interning at a community theater, one day a week devoted to quality time with my Godchild-who-needs-me, living for the first time on my own, and the other wonderful, but complicated and time-intensive thing-that-I'm-not-ready-to-mention-yet.

On five hours a night of sleep, and I'm still managing to put on makeup and smile pretty for the cameras. Which just that alone I couldn't manage at all the last few years.

Did I say also that in my spare time I'm reading Prozac Nation, Smack, Brave on the Rocks and The GRE Cram Course, (all at the same time, which I've never done before. I've always finished one before starting the next, what's wrong with me now? I guess nothing, except that I absolutely love the New Orleans Public Library! I've never actually "resided" inside of the big city limits, so therefore couldn't get a library card before without paying $50/year), researching grad schools, and trying to come up with a plan for my life.

Makes me wonder if what I need to cope is a too-full schedule. Purposeful stress and complication. No time to be left to my own devices. No time to wallow in myself, feeling unproductive. Because right now I feel really productive. I'm still tired all the time, but now I feel like I have a legitimate cause for always being tired, a reason, it's not just that something's inherently wrong with my body.

I can't describe what I felt before, why I was unable to focus on anything except the latest Allure magazine or I love the 90's on VH1, but I can tell you that this is better-- doing something, even though it's not earth-shattering by any means, especially relative to these over-accomplished geniuses I'm privileged to work around (MD, MPH, and PhD at 26? Come on!), is so much better than the nothing-ness of before.