27 April 2005

home sick

so, i've been home sick for the last two days. and when i say home i mean holed up in his apartment. i haven't even been out for a cigarette. yesterday i stayed in bed all day, or on the sofa really watching fifty episodes of gastineaux girls (i love reality tv marathons--only when i'm sick, i swear.) and eating ice cream sandwiches and chicken noodle soup. around 6 pm i got myself in the shower and did makeup and when he came home at 7 i was nice and pretty and going to work today. but when today came i couldn't get myself out of bed. usually when i'm sick it's sort of a combo emotional and physical illness and i think this might be the same. i just sort of feel like laying around and feeling sorry for myself. so today, i got only the sofa and a dawson's creek marathon was beginning (gasp!) but i pulled myself away to do the course work i have to do by tomorrow if i want to graduate in may. which i do. and here i am listening to mazzy star and writing blogs instead. what's wrong with me?

i think i'm sad because i have this oral presentation tomorrow which i hate, then friday the closing after my lawyers bailed on me, then to make it all so much worse tomorrow starts the 9 day countdown that i won't be able to sleep over. and i love to sleep over. i'll have to go back to my hot, empty, dead-roach infested apartment and sleep alone, ie no sex, and how could that be appealing at all? and i will have absolutely nothing to do, which seemed great for so long, but now that it's hear, now that the play and everything's over, is misreable. i'll be forced to either visit my parents or wallow. i'm not sure which i would rather. plus i have to pack all my stuff up again and bring it to the apartment. i'm so tired of living like that. plus, i'll have all that time to worry about whether adam's screwed me. yeah, life is fun, isn't it?

No comments: