04 May 2006

before noon. really.

i write in my blog like it’s private. i read blogs that are all do you readers want me to keep writing? cause i can’t feel the love. this is just stupid. nobody--ever--reads my blog but that’s ok. cause i just like to write sometimes. even if it’s nothing but what movie i rented last night.

i would write in my diary, except i’m always scared someone i know will find it and read it and know my secrets. or get mad. equally bad. blogs are way better. somehow i’m not scared of people finding my blog (except sometimes). so when people do occasionally send me comments, it’s always a surprise. because it’s only happened like 4 times in 2 years. maybe less. and when they say about my blog: it is really fun to read... honestly, it’s like huh? it confuses me.

i think about the blogs i read, like, obsessively, and how good they are. i wish i was provocative, or endearing, or made really cool artsy pictures like this one i read even though i can’t even figure out what language it is in. but mine? i have to think it's some kind of spam marketing thing to get you to click on their sites, but if so, wouldn’t i get more than 2 a year? i get like 10,000 emails a day asking me if i want to buy viagra or bootleg microsoft products.

another curious thing: the commenters are always 16 or so. with unusually good taste in music. not that i'm a good judge of music. and not that age matters at all because, hey, i already said my boyfriend is almost 40! sorry, i just still can't believe it. (did i mention he is gone again, visiting his kids six hours away, damn the hurricane that let their mother move out of state, but you want to know the real truth, sometimes (as much as i miss him), i just want to go home and eat 5 packets of easymac, and watch women competing to be the next cyote ugly girl on tv. I just can't do that with someone else around--except for my sister-- no matter who he is. no matter if he wore the same black sabbath tshirt and jeans with no underwear every day, all week last week, and is now up to drinking at least three beers before noon every day. i can't do it even then.)

by the way, good night and good luck was ok, even thought i think it’s unfair when i rent movies for entertainment and they are all about teaching me history. if i wanted history i would turn on the discovery channel! i mean, the history channel! and i really hate that it’s about journalists and they capitalized the a in And good luck, why, why, would they do that?

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