chocolate christmas

for some reason i just thought of these truffles that my old boss used to get around christmas time... they are the best... the ones i am eating right now aren't even comparable... once more my new orleans memories are of food...

christmas is coming, the goose is getting fat.

Welcome to the 2006 Holiday Edition of Getting to Know Your Friends! You know the drill. Don't be a scrooge!!!

1. Egg Nog or Hot Chocolate?
egg nog, spiked of course, but also egg nog lattes and egg nog ice cream...

2. Does Santa wrap presents or just sit them under the tree?
wrap them, in paper that matches the tree no less

3. Colored lights on tree/house or white?
usually white, but this year i'm gonna tack' it up with colored

4. Do you hang mistletoe?
nope. don't need an excuse to kiss in this house...

5. When do you put your decorations up?
right after thanksgiving

6. What is your favorite holiday dish (excluding dessert)?
oooh, sweet potatos with marshmellows. i guess that's thankgiving, huh?

7. Favorite Holiday memory as a child:
stockings!

8. When and how did you learn the truth about Santa?
found the presents in the bathtub while playing hide and seek. in the bathtub! what were they thinking?

9. Do you open a gift on Christmas Eve?
usually from my family.

10. How do you decorate your Christmas Tree?
this year, i'm going retro tacky! fake tree, colored lights, tacky ornaments and an outrageous tree topper.

11. Snow! Love it or Dread it?
guess i'll find out this year. half the time we're wearing short sleeves in new orleans. i think i'll love it though.

12. Can you ice skate?
too scary since i saw a girl fall down and get her finger sliced off by someone's ice skate blade. true story.

13. Do you remember your favorite gift?
let me think about it some.

14. What's the most important thing about the Holidays for you?
tradition.

15. What is your favorite Holiday Dessert?
pie!

16. What is your favorite holiday tradition?
stockings! yearly ornaments. decorating the tree. christmas music!

17. What tops your tree?
usually and angel, but all the decorations were lost in katrina so we're going completely different this year.

18. Which do you prefer giving or Receiving?
giving

19. What is your favorite Christmas Song?
do you see what i see. little drummer boy. gosh, i have a lot.

20. Candy Canes! Yuck or Yum?
yum!

hold the roaches...

there's really no place like it. i feel jipped. i didn't get enough time there after i came to peace with the city. nine months as a grown up, single, liberated (i can say that!) woman was not enough. i miss everything, all the crappy things, and all the things that are no place else (certainly not here). looking at these pictures made me so nostalgic. even his pictures of trash on the street, plastic cups and beer bottles, made me miss home. i miss my crappy apartments. about the only thing i don't miss is the roaches. and there were a lot of them.

goodnight

i hear the neighbors upstairs, low voices and dogs wanting to go out. it reminds me of how much i miss you. like i could forget even for a moment.

one day...

ok. so, i fell in love with a painting two years ago in a gallery in new orleans. (i wouldn't lie...) she had four paintings there: spring, fall, summer and winter. they were expensive enough that i couldn't afford them really, but i almost could if i put it on a credit card and paid it off a little at a time... or skipped two years vacation. and you know, i should have. because two years later i still wish i had that painting. i wrote her name down on a business card and every once in a while i search it but until now no results. until now. she is here. and i still can't afford a painting, but at least i know that they really do exist.

valley of fire

he should not have left me alone so soon... i've been wedding planning all weekend. so much for not caring. seriously though, look how gorgeous:



we started talking about vegas and how cool that would be, but i really don't want something tacky like a drive through or elvis impersonator. i want something simple, quick and easy, but also romantic and memorable.

seriously though, is this not breathtakingly gorgeous?:



i want this! at sunset, how romantic. although of course i wouldn't have a ballgown and viel. maybe something really simple like this dress from jcrew (in white of course, not navy!) or this one from david's bridal. sigh, i guess i am going officially nuts...

bits

i procrastinate
i spend hours organizing shit that doesn't matter
i like making cupcakes and little cheesecakes
i like coloring books
i can't "sell myself"
i'm tired of everything

lovelovelove

i love this shirt. i'm tempted to buy it even though i don't have the balls to wear it.

yes

we talk about getting married sometimes. i always say i don't care about rings and stuff like that. he surprised me so much. i had no idea he was going to do it now.

we came home from work and i started working on the computer. he said he was going downstairs to the atm, but really he went to the jewelry shop. he said he thought i knew something was up because he took so long. i was so involved in work, i didn't notice he left yet. he sat down on the bed and said i love you, i said -- this is ugly, but i was aggravated -- how much? cause it better be a lot for me to do all this work. ugly, huh? and i never say things like that. and he said my name, and i always have to catch my breath when he says it, and i think that's when i turned to look at him, and he was pulling this adorable little box out of his pocket, and i just couldn't figure out what he was doing, because i knew he couldn't be doing what it looked like. and i kept saying are you kidding me? and is this a joke? and he just looked at me and then he said will you spend the rest of your life with me? and i could not believe it and the ring was the most pretty, sparkly, thing i'd ever seen, and i think it took me forever to even say yes because i was so stunned.

i still can't believe he did it. i had no idea i would feel so differently afterwards. i felt so secure anyway in his love, in our relationship, but now i feel so... happier? more secure? i knew i couldn't imagine a future without him, and now i feel like i don't ever have to even try to.

oh my god...

yes, yes, yes!

life, i was wrong.

we are going somewhere new, where we will beach-bum it, where we will drive an old convertible, wear cowboy hats, kiss and bike ride and kayak and twirl in marilyn dresses and be new.

boston is not what i thought it would be. or more accurately, i am not what i thought i would be in boston. i feel like all i do everyday is drink coffee, write out some bills, put on a load of laundry, and wait for my boyfriend to come home. i don't know why i feel like this, maybe because that is all i do all day?

i couldn't sleep last night. i kept thinking of all that i would/could do today. i would pack up my bag, take some books and walk to the harbor. i would sit there and study. i would look into school. i would take my notebook and figure out what to do with my life. like that time in the airport, my diagram: my life's pie chart. figure out what i need to do to be happy.

i like myself, but i am starting not to. i am starting to feel useless. i've tried to justify all that i do for my boyfriend, around the house, taking care of things and being supportive, but that is just crap. i've never put stock into that. it's an excuse not to have to focus on myself. so much easier to focus on someone else: solving his problems, making them my own. fuck that. i can do that and i still have time to get myself straight. because, yeah, i will start resenting this.

the custody battle is starting. and here i go with his problems again... but my point is that if the kids come, that will be a major life-changing event for me. i will have to make sacrifices and take care of them, just like if i chose to have a baby myself. the same thing. i'm prepared for that (as much as i can be). but i also need to be prepared for the alternative: them not coming. what will i do then?

candy, gandhi and tekken

they are making a movie of one of my very favorite books: candy by luke davies. i can't imagine what they could possibly do with it to make it true to the original. i really don't want to see them try. also, they are already re-releasing it with god-awful covers, which in itself is enough to make me hate the movie:



actually, the top might not be the original either, as i recall it had some bright pink in there somewhere (which is what first attracted me). the only possible redeeming thing about this is that perhaps it will make them re-release his poetry books.

. . .

i watch gandhi the other night and it was really, surprisingly good. so good that maybe i'm rethinking my views on watching movies that teach you about history. what america needs is a national hero... colbert?



. . .

also, i've been kicking ass at tekken. some days i am so good at it, some days i suck so badly.

i think it all comes down to mental clarity and positive feelings. (after watching gandhi, i kicked serious ass, hmmm...) maybe that's crap, but when i'm down i never win. i won last night lots and lots, jack got so upset. i know what it's like to feel like a loser, like you have no chance to win, and it makes me want to hit him or bite his nose off. so i started letting him win, but making sure it wasn't obvious, putting up a good fight. i always feel so giving when i let him win, then he gets so cocky and goes on about his new techniques and then it's all i can do to not tell him i'm letting him win (which would completely reverse the goodness of letting him win). although come to think of it, he probably wouldn't believe me if i did tell him.



note: i was going to post a picture of christie because she is my favorite (the only one i can make move, besides she is pretty (except for that face she makes in the beginning that is just stupid and looks like she was about to blow a kiss but forgot) and can do really neat splits and flip. however, i searched images on the entire internet and could only find pictures of christie in that really ugly outfit with the pants and skimpy top which i hate and refuse to play with her when she is wearing that. why doesn't someone post the outfit i like with the hotpants and jacket combo? i may have to take a picture next time we play although i'm not sure how to explain that to my boyfriend...

more wasted time

my god, there are a lot of celebrity gossip websites out there!

i spent the morning following links, starting from my favorite: go fug yourself. i have to admit, i like celebrity gossip, and i love making fun of people's bad fashion sense. i also love glossy magazines, especially those making fun of celebrities' bad fashion senses. i don't have tv, what do you expect me to do?

in lieu of tv, i have been watching youtube, which i guess is the next big thing. i have a favorite, william sledd, but i have also taken to posted odd little videos of my boyfriend doing nothing. nothing really, just, like sitting in bed eating pizza. he complains some, however he also checks religiously to see if anyone's viewed. 28 views! not too great considering millions of people are out there, billions even?, and considering that at least 6 were him and i watching. he totally hams it up when i turn the camera on so really i think he likes "broadcasting himself".

i've actually been doing this since we met, i have quite a collection of him driving and singing. a documentation of all these random songs from the radio and him belting it out to me. these are my most treasured possesion, i watch these clips and am just overcome by what a wonderful boyfriend i have, however they will never be posted to youtube because i have taken a solemn oath that i will never show them to another living person until my boyfriend is dead. i wish i could though because they are fucking adorable.

keep the faith

the picture at the top of my blog, i took it out of my car window the first time i went back to see my home after the hurricane (hurricane katrina, we call it the hurricane and assume everyone knows exactly what we mean. yes, it's been over a year. no, it's not something you get over, ever.) here's a picture someone else took of the same thing: http://www.flickr.com/photos/rotorjok/172907923/

it still makes me want to cry.

remember spectra?

i miss her. my sister i mean.